A Tale of the Unexpected

Ok, so I'm doing my delivery round on Wednesday and as I pull up at Mrs Wright's house, her neighbour who's, what,  about 78, is standing leaning against the wall by her front door.

I walk up veg box in hand and he's staring at the van...

- I'm trying to read what that says on your van...

- Oh, yes, it is a bit tricky to make out...

- What is it? B...E.. R, is it?

- B, E, A, N, I, E, S - Beanies...

- Beanies?   What like in Beans?

- Yes.

- Beanies ...oh.   Beanies...

I knock on Mrs Wright's door... she often takes a minute or two to come so I'm stood there waiting...

- She's in, but she's been pooorly, she probbly won't come.  Can't make that out...Beanies?

- No, it is a bit tricky...   I'll just leave it here under the bush.

- No, not there, here I'll tek it.   Gi'it here...

I rest the box on the wall for him to take.   It's only a ‘B’ box, standard size, no potatoes.   It's got some onions, carrots, a lettuce, spring greens, 3 courgettes, an aubergine.  It’s not heavy.

He lifts it off the wall.

- Blimey!   That's heavy!

I think he's joking.

He's not joking.  

He's holding the box and wobbling about.

- I've only got one leg!

He hobbles off to put the box in the passageway.

I watch him bend, straight-legged, slowly lowering the box onto the ground.

He straightens up, puffed from the exertion.   Poor old boy.   I feel a bit bad for him, making him struggle with his one leg.

- She's a fabulous cook, you know.

- Is she?

- Ooh fabulous.   I'd do some gardening jobs for her and she'd cook up Sunday lunch!   Ohh, fabulous. Hehe!

He pushes his belly out and rubs the memory of the food. 

- What is that then? Beanies?

- We're a greengrocer's and a wholefoods shop.   Been there more than twenty years.

- Twenty years?

- And more...

- Twenty years, not heard of it.   Where is it then?

- Down on Crookes Valley Road, you know just opposite the big church by the lights.

- Oh, down there.

- Yes.

- Oh, right.   Yes, I've a couple of young 'uns selling drugs for me down there.

- Rig... What!?

- I'll send them in...

I think he's joking.   He is joking...isn't he?

- Erm, well you needn't bother!

He's not laughing

He must be joking.

- Oh I don't care what they do, so long as they bring me my ackers.     See you.