I
Mum said
“Old Mrs
McGinty’s dead
-
how did she die?
Nod in her
head…
Old Mrs
McGinty’s dead
- how did
she die?
Nod in her
head, wink in her eye!”
The man
down the
road
showed Mum
his willy
from his
bedroom window
when she was
on the way to Wanstead Flats –
She was
eight.
She was
scared.
He winked,
but she
didn’t tell anyone.
Mum said
when she was
young
she thought
there were
men, women and nuns,
and nuns
went around
on wheels
under their
long black dresses
– and that
was a bad habit.
Mum said
When she was
at boarding school
during the
war
she used to
eat soap
to make
herself sick
so she could
have a day in bed
- but it
never worked.
And at
dinner time she used to put
the fat from
her meat
up her
knickerleg
so she
wouldn’t have to eat it.
And during
the War
she had to
learn
how to fold
toilet paper
so she could
wipe
again and
again
with the
same piece.
And she said
that she
wrote off
and got a
signed photograph
of Gregory
Peck.
She loved
Gregory Peck
and wanted
to marry him.
But the nuns
took Gregory Peck away
and tore him
up.
And Mum said
one of her
friends at school
was her
cousin
and she was
called
Ursula Mary
Brock
which meant
She-bear-bitter-badger
and one was
called
BCM
which meant
Big Country
Mary
but I don’t
know why.
But the best
of her friends
was Auntie
Mon.
And they
always called Mum
‘Tiddler’
because she
was small,
and that’s
why all our cousins called her
‘Auntie
Tid’
even though
by then
her legs
were thick as tree trunks.
So Mum said.
“Old Mrs
McGinty’s dead
-
how did she die?
Nod in her
head…”
II
Mum said
she saw the
curtains burning
in a house
as she walked
down
Woodcote
Road.
She said
she thought
the owners must know
so she didn’t
bother to tell them.
And Mum said
she had
danced with Mr Waverley
– Mr
Waverley from The Man From U.N.C.L.E.
– but not
with Napoleon Solo,
or even Ilya
Kuriakin.
And one time
when she had
gone to a dance
with some
friends
a young man
noticed the wet patches
under Mum’s
arms
while he was
dancing with her
and he said:
“Coo –
you sweat a lot, don’t you!?”
which put her
off a bit.
And she said
she and
Dad
had had
Tea
with
the Queen
Mother
– but not
in her house.
You had to
have good manners
and not put
the elbows on the table.
III
Mum said
she thought
she had just
happened to
be born a child
– that was
just what she was,
not a man,
or a woman
or a nun.
And because
they were all children
Dom and Jack
poured
methylated
spirits
onto Mum’s
doll’s house
and set it on
fire
– with a
Swan Vesta –
and Mum got
very upset
but of course
it didn’t burn.
And once
she crept
through
into the
neighbour’s
garden
and did a poo
in the bushes.
And she said
one time
because they
were all children
they had all
sneaked through
into the
neighbour’s
garden
for a dare
and then the
neighbour
had come
and all the
others had run away
and left Mum
who was too
little to run
to face the
neighbour
all on her
own.
And Mum said
Uncle Jack
used to say
“Comment-allez
votre Bum?”
And when he
had swallowed a pin
he had to go
to hospital
and they fed
him cotton wool
to stop the
pin sticking inside him
in his
stomach.
“How did
she die?
Nod in her
head, wink in her eye!”
IV
And Mum said
great-great-granddad
was an
Alsatian
and his
family name was
Dreyer.
So, in
Alsace,
where they
spoke German,
they called
him Herr Dreyer
– but I
don’t think he was a barber.
Mum said
that
great-great-uncle
Somebody
lived in
Russia
and kept a
circus
and was
finally
done-to-death
by a yak.
Cousin Stella
said he was gnawed by a gnu
but I don’t
think that can be right.
And Mum said
that there
was an ancient Spanish cousin
who did an
act with snakes
and it was
charming.
And somebody
else
was so tall
they fitted
into the
Guinness Book
of Records.
Because gnus
don’t gnaw
and they
don’t live in Russia.
And Mum said
Granddad
electrocuted
the East
coast Railway Line –
it was his
job,
and he got
paid
a thousand
pounds a year
but he died
before I was born
because he
had smoked too many cigarettes.
And Uncle Dom
put his foot
through the ceiling
while he was
fixing the electrics
in the loft.
And Uncle
Jack
got a tattoo
of an anchor
on his arm
when he was
in the Navy Blue,
like Popeye,
but
afterwards he felt stupid
so he would
never
take off his
shirt on the beach.
And they all
sang
“Old Mrs
McGinty’s dead
–
how did she die?
Nod in her
head…
Old Mrs
McGinty’s dead
– how did
she die?
Nod in her
head, wink in her eye!”
V
And Mum said
of all her
best friends
her best
friend was
Auntie Monica
who was her
sister
and who she
loved better
than anyone.
And they were
fiends –
the very best
of fiends.
And they
looked after each other
and called
each other Feenie.
And when they
got older
one Feenie
bought
a birthday
card
which said:
“Happy
Birthday
to a real
(excuse the
nasty word)
OLD
friend!”
And she wrote
in it
“To Feenie
love
Feenie.”
And she sent
it to the other Feenie.
Then
when it was
the first Feenie’s birthday
the other
Feenie
sent it back
to the
first Feenie.
And it got
sent
backwards and
forwards
from Feenie
to Feenie
until it fell
down the back of the fireplace
in Tall Elms.
VI
And Mum said
Nana
had arthritis
and she lived
in bed
and moaned
and would not
have any one to feed her
in case they
tried to scrape
Rice Krispies
up her chin
with a spoon
and put them
in her mouth
like they do
with babies –
she wouldn’t
have that.
And Mum said
that even
though Nana could hardly walk
she got up
the day
before she died
and tried to
do the ironing
and the
housework.
And
afterwards
everyone
looked at each other
and said:
“She must
have known,”
and
“She didn’t
want to leave things in a mess.”
And Mum said
that after
Nana had died
Mum was
traveling on the upstairs
of a bus
and she
looked out the window
and there was
Nana
sitting on a
bench
on the
Leytonstone High Road –
just along
from Bearmans.
“Old Mrs
McGinty’s dead
-
how did she die?
Nod in her
head…
Old Mrs
McGinty’s dead
- how did she
die?
Nod in her
head, wink in her eye!”
VII
And Mum said
When she
first met Dad
she wrote a
thing in her diary
and this is
the thing:
“Met a Ron
– with a car,”
because it
was unusual
in those
days.
And the Ron
took
her out to do
kissing in
the car,
and
when they’d
finished
and wiped
their mouths,
the Ron
started the car
to drive home
but when the
headlights went on
there were a
great lot
of rabbits
all sitting
around on the grass.
And Mum
thought it was a sign
because she
was a Catholic.
VIII
She was an
old, old, old, old lady.
And her eyes
were a misty blue.
and she never
said “yes”, and she never said “no”
all she said
was
“I love
you!”
When Mum was
in her hospital bed
and it was my
last time
she said,
“It’ll be
all right.”
And she
looked so old,
though
everyone said
she was still
so young,
and it seemed
like there was
only one
thing she could do.
So she had a
cup of tea
from a baby
blue beaker
with a spout
and then she
went to sleep
and we all
went home.
But we
stopped
in a lay-by
and had the
deepest of cries
with rain
crawling down the window.
And Dad
turned around
in the car
and tried to
hug us all
at the same
time.
Then in the
morning
very early
she died.
They
telephoned
to tell us
and I ran
upstairs to tell Kate.
And
afterwards
I knew that
Mum was right –
it was all
right
because
she didn’t
get stuck –
dying –
at least I
don’t think she did –
she didn’t
try to come back.
And Dad and
Kate
went to get
her stuff
because she
didn’t need it anymore.
“Old Mrs
McGinty’s dead
-
how did she die?
Nod in her
head…
Old Mrs
McGinty’s dead
- how did she
die?
Nod in her
head, wink in her eye!”
*
I look out of
the bus window
from the
upstairs
and I often
do see her
out of the
corner of my eye,
but then when
I look properly
she turns
into someone else.
*
And Auntie
Joyce said
that when we
were camping at Daccombe
Mum said to
her
when they
were walking in the lane
that she just
hoped
we would be
old enough
to remember
her
even if she
died.
And then she
did,
and I do
and I
remember all the things
Mum said.
August 2005
