Darning Socks

Clouds on the horizon. 

Clouds, smoky and grey, pre-empting the passing season - sandal-free days. 

So I spend my afternoon darning socks.

There must be something remarkable in the angle of my toenails for no matter how short I clip them, they are inclined to devastate the yarn above.

They are the Big Toes that create the greatest destruction, incising against the inside of the toecaps of my boots, shredding the thread, fracturing the fabric. Now, the next time the socks are worn they must be slipped each on the other foot, so the holes hover each above the middle toe, Toe Three. Meanwhile, Big Toes set to work again, feasting anew on virgin textile. And come nightfall, as I toe-heel out of my loafers, there are now two pale planets of nail and flesh luminous against a dark woollen skyscape.

'Buy New,' she says, 'for Life is Too Short to spend hours darning holes in such insignificant garments. Buy New!'

But how can I reject my knee-high Prince of Wales plaid?

How can I desert my 'World's Best Dad'? An ankle-borne motto from a time when I was not so worn out by work.

What would I do without the Weekday Run-through – the circling calendar slipping unseen into my shoe? Monday Blue through to Lemon Yellow Sunday.

And these, my wedding socks, black silk softness, will I divorce from them so easily?  Should I slip them along my soles, though now crumpled and ill-fitting, stretched because the size I bought was just a little too short?

Can I render them up? Can I tender them in exchange for something fashionably new? Or should I darn and sew, the way I know how to? Darn and sew, mend and make do.

Me reading 'Darning Socks'...

prompt - Waiting Room

I'll have a coffee now, I reckon.

Yes. I'll have a coffee now and I'll make it last.

Then I'll have another, let's see, at around eleven, well, half eleven if I can keep this one going till then.

Then we'll see. Where we are.

Maybe a scone at half eleven too.

Or a scone now?

I am hungry now. Maybe I'd better get one now.

Oh I don't know though – coffee goes quicker with a scone so maybe I'd better wait. Yes. Get a scone at half eleven.

Hm.

Oh! No, I know. I'll get the scone at half ten. Yes. With just a glass of water.

I can definitely make that last till half eleven.

A scone and some water.

And then I wouldn't have to stretch this out so long.

Right that's it.

Coffee now. Scone and a glass of water at half ten. Don't have to pay for water – yes!. Then second coffee at half eleven.

Yes – get in!

Sorted.

Then we'll see where we are.

Because last week it was all over by twelve anyway.

What with the trouble and everything.

I didn't need to think about after lunch.

Not with the trouble... et cetera.

O-oh! He's here.

Look at him. Smug get. Sitting there with his crossword.

Oh, The Taymes.

Oh yes, I do the Taymes crossword because I can. I can do all the hard clues because I am a smug get and I have a university education. You probably can't even do the word search in the Daily Fail. But I with my university education can tackle the most difficult clues. Because I am a smart get.

Pah. Look at him shaking his pen. Haha! Has it run out? Ha, not so smart now are we!

God, is that the 9.20. Fooking hell that's late.

Or perhaps I should have a slice of cake.

It's going to be really late in to King's Cross. Somebody's balls will roll.

Two sixty, though, it's a lot.

For a slice of cake. That's a lot that is.

Would be easier to stretch it out though.

Wonder what they've got on.

Who's on counter? Oh yes, Kyle.

Hm. Kyle. Wanker.

Look at him. Long bloody hair. Get it cut, Kyle. You work with food. Get your hair cut. I don't want you hair in my cake, thanks very much.

Tie it back at least.

I hate long hair.

No, it'd better be a scone.

Mind you one fifty's a lot to pay for a scone, I reckon.

It's not so bad if I get a couple of extra jam.

I'll get a couple of extra jam to take home.

Well, two to eat with...

and yes then a couple of extra to take home.

One fifty for a scone, two pats of butter and four jam.

That's not so bad, is it.

I could get two strawberry to eat with...

and a black cherry.

Got to be strawberry with...

and a marmalade. If they've got any.

Didn't have any left last time.

Mind you, van came yesterday, didn't it.

So they should have marmalade.

Nobody eats marmalade now though, do they.

Except me.

There was that thing on the radio about how nobody eats marmalade any more.

You wouldn't think they'd run out then, would you, if nobody's eating it.

You'd think that'd be the last to go.

But no.

Strawberry... there's always plenty of strawberry.

Black cherry... that can go either way.

But marmalade – they often run out of marmalade.

Chloë!

Oh look, lovely Chloë's coming on.

Fantastic!

Is she going to look?

Is she?

Hey Chloë, I think you're lovely.

Can you see me, Chloë? I'm blowing you kisses.

Can you see?

Go on, look over here, Chloë! Look over here.

I'm over here by the window. Look over...

Fook, she's looking.

Fook, she's coming over.

Fook!

Hello darlin'. Have you done with your cup?

Er, no... no I haven't.

Oh. Right. It looks empty to me darlin'. Can I take it?

Er, no... I've still got milk in the jug. I'm just going to finish it. The milk.

Oh. Ok. You finish up the milk and then I'll come back. Ok?

Yes. Ok.

You just finish up the milk and then I'll come back and get your cup. All right?

Yes all right. But...

She's gone.

Fook.

That was close.

Look at her hair though. Lovely long hair. I love long hair. Look at her - how it moves.

I love the way she doesn't tie it back. Just let's it hang loose.

I love that.

That nearly scuppered things though, eh!

Nearly put the kibosh on the Kaiser.

Fook's sake.

Maybe I'll get my scone now. My scone and water.

Mind, if Chloë's on, maybe I'll look at cakes.

While I'm up there. I'll check out the cakes.

Yes.

She cuts a good slice – Chloë.

Mind you no jam then. Or marmalade.

No, better stick with the scone.

Scone, two pats, four jams.

Right what's the time?

Ten to.

Right. Another ten minutes. Damn there's not much milk left.

You'd think they'd just order more.

Marmalade.

People obviously are eating it.

Look at her. Wow!

I love the way she wipes them tables. Look.

Oh yes.

Stretch over.

Right over, Chloë.

Ooh missed a bit.

Mmm. Nice bum, Chloë. In them jeans.

Oh fook!

She's coming this way.

Have you done, then? All finished? Finished with your milk? It's a lovely day out. You'll be glad to be outside I expect. I'll take your cup then.

Er, ok... Hang on there's a little...

No, look, it's all gone. I'll take it.

I was thinking...

Yes, it's a lovely day out. You should go and sit in the park somewhere. Somewhere in the sun. Soak up some rays. Get warmed up.

Yes, maybe...

You don't want to be cooped up in here again. All day. Do you.

Well...

You don't want to be stuck inside on a lovely day like this, do you. Missing all the sun.

Missing all the fun...

What? Yes, missing all the fun. No that's right. You don't want to miss all the fun. You want to get out there soaking up some rays.

Chloë...

Oooh! Can you let go? I don't like it when you hold my hand, do I. Do you remember? We talked about this last time, didn't we. Do you remember what we said?

Yes.

We said 'no touching' didn't we.

Yes

No touching – so can you let go. Kyle!

Yes, no touching.

That's right. Kyle! So can you let go please?

I just wanted...

I'm going to have to... Kyle! Get over here!

Oh, don't fetch Kyle.

Kyle, what fucking took you! Get him out.

But I want a scone.

Now come on, you know Chloë doesn't like it when you touch her.

I just want a scone and some jam. And a glass of water. That's all. I won't touch her. I just didn't want her to take my cup away again.

You can't stay in here all day – you just can't.

Get him out, Kyle. He's had his chance.

Yes, you've had your chance. Come on out now.

I'll go Debenhams

Yes. I'll go Debenhams.

I'll go and have a scone in Debenhams.

Then maybe a cup of tea.

Yes. Then I'll have a cup of tea at midday.

Then another at, say, half one.

I can make it last to half one.

With a scone.

A Nice Change - guest spot

This is something of a departure for me...

I have a writing friend,  Pleasant Street aka Rose Red aka Geletilari, from the USA via Twitterland - @AreYouThrilled.  

She writes some very lovely poetry and posts them on her blog here - In My Parlour .  She heard one or two of my readings of my poetry on Soundcloud and asked if I would record a reading of one of hers.  I was of course very flattered and delighted to do it - the Thespian in me still alive and well somewhere in there.

And so here is the text of her poem and a link to me reading it on her Soundcloud account...

A Nice Change 

She had always lived there
Her father's house and garden
Her mother's scent of carnations
And chicken and dumplings in a pot

Once she said to her mother
I have to go soon
A man has offered me a ranch
and a dozen cows on a hilltop

But you are a vegetarian
Yes but he makes me smile
And the cows bring me peace.
I will set up my easel in the meadow

She painted fantastic visions
of oceans she would never see
and skies higher than the atmosphere
full of stars and comets

One day her mother showed up
Suitcase in hand
announcing that peace
would be a nice change of pace

That evening when she came in
Wet painting leaning against the apple
They ate, remarking
Those were the best dumplings ever.

Chris reads   A Nice Change on his soundcloud account