The Martian Schoolgirl

I was in love with a Martian Schoolgirl

Her eyes were green as steel

She fired her poison darts at me

And taught me how to feel.

I was in love with a Martian Schoolgirl

I followed her into space

But if I tried to kiss her

She slapped me round the face.

I was in love with a Martian Schoolgirl

Her hair was as dark as the dead.

She flew in her little spaghetti craft

Three feet above my head.

I was in love with a Martian Schoolgirl

She sang as sweet as the night

She put out a single on Cherry Red Records

But they banned it out of spite.

I was in love with a Martian Schoolgirl

The pick of the Martian crop

I wanted her to love me back

Then I couldn’t make her stop.

I was in love with a Martian Schoolgirl

But she didn’t treat me right

She drank my blood in the bike shed

And kept me out all night.

I was in love with a Martian Schoolgirl

An earthbound schoolboy’s dream

She never even learned my name

But she taught me how to scream.

Now Martian Schoolgirls come and go

And this one came and went

And the currency of my human heart

Has all been spent.