Latest writing from an Electric Tomatoes meeting - our prompt: Hollow Victory...
She could argue
about anything. Made a point of it actually.
'Which do you
prefer,' she said, 'the blue satin or the mauve?'
'I dunno.'
'Oh, come on!
You're really not helping.'
'Well, they're both
nice...'
'Yes, but you've
got to have a favourite. Which is your favourite? Come on!'
'Well, the blue's a
nice colour.'
'The blue?
Really?'
'Yes, I like the
blue.'
'You like the blue?
Best? Really?'
'Yes. Of the two –
the blue.'
'So why don't you
like the mauve?'
'I do.'
'You said you like
the blue.'
'I do. I like it
best.'
'Why? What's wrong
with the mauve?'
'Nothing's wrong
with it.'
'Well why don't you
like it then?'
'I do! I do like
it!'
'Well why didn't
you say so then.'
'I did! I did say!
I said I like them both, but of the two – the blue. The blue's
best! Jeez! Which do you like anyway?'
'Me? Oh don't
bother about me! It doesn't matter what I like – no, because you
can't stand the mauve so... well, there's no choice then is there.
If you don't like the mauve, it's got to be the blue then hasn't it.
Don't bother about me. Oh no, don't bother about my feelings!'
'They're your
frigging shoes, love! You want the mauve, get the mauve. I don't
mind.'
'Yes that's it,
isn't it! You just don't care. You never listen to me. When I talk
you just glaze over – I've seen you.'
'I do not!'
'Yes you do. I've
seen you, you just glaze over and whatever I say just goes in one ear
and out the other. You just don't care.'
'I DO care. Of
course I care, you stupid c.... Of course I frigging care, but I
don't mind which frigging
shoes you choose. Either'll do. You've just got to choose the ones
you'll feel comfortable in.'
'Comfortable?
Comfortable – tell me you are NOT serious!'
'Well,
you've got to be happy in them. You've got to feel right.'
'How
can I feel right in them when I know you hate them?'
'Oh
for fuck's sake woman, I do not hate them! Jesus wept, woman. Fuck
it, I'm going to make some tea. Do you want some?'
'Of
course I want some. Why wouldn't I want some? Of course I want
some. Is that too much to ask? Is a cup of tea too much to ask when
I can't have the shoes I want?'
So
she bought the blue ones but all through the day she was checking
them, mumbling about them.
Jeanine
looked fabulous of course. Beautiful dress – cream silk with
little red roses sewn on. A bit of a train. I could barely control
myself as I walked her down the aisle. She always knows how to dress
so why Em couldn't ask her advice about frigging shoes I don't know!
'I
want them to be a surprise for her,' she says. 'Besides, I can't ask
her. She's got too much on'
But
all through the reception she'd be checking with people.
Moira,
my sister, came over when they'd cleared the tables away and first
thing she said was 'Oh Em, them shoes are to die for! Where did you
get them?'
'Online,'
says Em, ' allaboutheels.com. I'm not sure though. They had some
gorgeous mauve ones, but they were threepence more expensive and Lord
Snooty said no. So I feel I've settled a bit. But I'm glad you like
them, Moi. I'll probably send them back though after. Can't see me
wearing them again.'
'You
can't do that!' I said.
'I
don't see why not,' says Em. 'People bring stuff back to us all the
time and it's quite obviously been out on the town for the night.
One woman brought a coat back. All the labels on it and everything –
so we took it back, no worries. Then when Glenda was putting it back
on the rack she found a half-chewed chicken leg wrapped in a KFC
napkin in the pocket! I mean!'
'That's
outrageous,' says Moira.
'Oh
well then, do what you like, then,' says I. 'On your head though...'
'It'll
be on yours as a matter of fact, smartass – it was your credit card
details.'
'Oh
well thanks very much,' says I. 'Thanks very much indeed!'
So
she's off dancing with Moira and I'm stuck at the bar with
Brian-in-law, and once we've done West Ham and Stoke and why neither
of them are getting beyond the Fourth Round, we just stand there like
lemons looking at the girls as they loop under each
other's arms.
She's
had a lot to drink, Em.
A
lot.
To
drink.
'Come
on, Brian,' shouts Em, 'come and dance with me! He'll never dance
with me. Old Lord Snooty. You come. Throw some shades with me,
Briannn, come on!'
'Shapes,'
I say to Brian, 'she means throw some shapes.'
'Bloody
'ell,' says Brian, 'do I have ter?'
''Sup
to you, mate. 'Sup to you.'
So
Brian pulls on a smile and bends his knees and shimmies like frigging
Baloo over to the dance floor. And Em's there writhing her hips at
him like she's seventeen again – well, like she remembers being
seventeen anyway. She puts her hand up to his neck as he comes over,
plays with the hair at the back of his neck.
I
remember that.
So
Brian dances with the pair of them for a few minutes till Moira sees her chance and dances her way over to me by the bar.
'Get
us a Campari, bro,' she says, 'I'm going out for a ciggy.'
Off
she goes and I follow her out with the drinks.
'Why
did you make her buy them God awful shoes?' she says outside,
'They're completely the wrong shade.'
'Oh,
don't you start! She could have whichever frigging shoes she wanted
but no, no. She makes me say which colour I like best – I say blue
– and that's it! She goes off on one!
'You're
a cruel man, Kevin Bradley!' Moira laughs. 'A cruel man.'
'She
just needs someone to blame!'
Then
she tells me about Joey. Their eldest. Twelve. Leukaemia just diagnosed.
God, sad!'
When
we go back in it's 10CC - I'm not in love
and, fuck me, there's Em with her tongue down Brian's throat. He's
participating but it looks more as if he has to rather
than that he's enjoying it!
Moira
grabs Brian by the elbow and yanks him away.
Em
turns to me – fire in her eyes.
'What!?
He's more of a man than you'll ever be!'
She's
barefoot now and staggers off the dance-floor and grabs her bag.
'I'm
going for a piss,' she says. 'And don't fucking follow me!'
As
if.
I
pick up her shoes and go over to the bar and wait.
So.
That
was last Saturday.
Now
her mobile goes straight to answerphone and she doesn't return my
texts.
So.
Well.
We'll
see, won't we.
Just
have to wait.
And
see.
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