Grandma And The Web

I taught Grandma how to use the internet

I hoped it would improve her final years

But I did not anticipate

The troubles that would lay in wait

And now I fear it’s all ending in tears.

I bought her a nice tablet and a dongle thing

I bought her quite a clever little mouse.

I thought she could watch kittens

as she sat and knitted mittens

or whatever grandmas do about the house.

I taught her how to write a little email

and I showed her how to take a pic or two

now she’s photoshopping,

phototinting, photocropping

I’m not sure that’s what grandmothers should do.

And now Granddad has got in on the act

He’s potty for the poker and the ebay

He likes to spend his cash

though it may be rather rash

and there’s really nothing anyone can say.

I got them onto facebook and on Google plus

I told her about myspace - which was silly.

I knew there’d be a scandal

when I heard her Twitter handle

You can tweet her now @grandmaloveswilly

And now I fear it’s started to go wrong

I bought her a webcam - she’s gone absurd.

Now there’s a film called “Grandma’s Tits”

that has fifty thousand hits

and, believe me, it’s not about the bird.

And she and Granddad like to chat on skype

They call me up but don’t know the cameras on

There’s Grandma eating Snickers

In just her bra and knickers

And granddad wearing nothing but his thong.

I think I’ll have to put a stop to it

I can’t let them carry on as such

They’re really just too randy

and the webcam is too handy

And Grandma’s Sextape really was too much.