Negotiation #5

What are you doing tomorrow?

What?

What are you doing tomorrow?

What am I doing tomorrow?

while today there are blackbirds

feeding young in the garden

and today the sourdough

is gently lifting in the kitchen -

its first proving

and today is the first day I have

time to sit down

since the last time

I sat down?

What are you doing tomorrow?

What am I doing tomorrow?

when tomorrow is probably filled

up already with moments

blocked with time and trouble and toil?

What are you doing tomorrow?

What am I doing tomorrow?

How easily you clatter the question around

Yes well

there is an Agenda

for tomorrow

I do have an Agenda

for tomorrow

but today

I have only

headings and subheadings

and outlines and landscapes

and plans and pre-frontal projections

and while a few papers have been

submitted for my early consideration

I cannot navigate

the complexities of tomorrow

until the vagaries of today

have been drawn into play

What are you doing tomorrow?

Ah, but if I were to tell you

something

for the sake of an easy answer

it would inevitably be

a short story

of possibles and maybes

a novella of nuance and supposition

a wish-list of the terrifying

and the fearsome

What are you doing tomorrow?

You come here with your crowbar question

levering yourself

into the slim and early tracings

of my promised tomorrow

I was just wondering…

you say

with your innocent

fingers fiddling

with thin porridge on the stovetop

and a sketch of an idea

somewhere across your brow

and I am wary of that sketch

because it is in that sketch that you

forge a steel cage that imprisons me

tomorrow

for it is that sketch

that fetters the ankles of my spirit

tomorrow

that channels the energy of my spirit

tomorrow

that breaks the resolve of my spirit

tomorrow

and casts me

into the pit of your desires

and the fuddle of my despair

What are you doing tomorrow?

If you insist on that question

then there is no tomorrow

do you not see?

there is no tomorrow

no tomorrow

I was just wondering whether you might be able to pick me up from the supermarket?

Negotiation #2

Are you washing up or cooking?

What?

Are you washing up or cooking? I’m not doing both.

No, well I don’t expect you to do both

Good , because I’m not.  So which are you going to do?

Well, which would you rather do?  You’ve been out all day – would you rather sit down while I wash up, and then you cook?  I could make you a gin. Or would you rather wash up and then relax?

God I’d love a gin – been fantasising about one all afternoon!

Ok, so I’ll wash up and make you a gin and you can cook.

I must say I had hoped you might have washed up while I was out.

Yes, well, I have been busy.  I haven’t just been sat around all day.

No, I know…

I have been working, too, you know.  I haven’t just been sat watching youtube, you know.  I have actually been working. 

Yes, I know…

I have.  I’ve booked a course and I bought those train tickets and I’ve been looking at holiday cottages.  So it’s not like I’ve just been sat here doing nothing.

Yes, I know…

You think I don’t do anything while you’re out, don’t you?

No of course not…

Yes, you do. You think I’m just sat around doing puzzles or watching television.

No I don’t.  I…

Holidays don’t just book themselves, you know.  Someone has to do the research.  Someone has to make some decisions.  If we left it to you we’d never go away anywhere.  You do want a holiday, don’t you?

You know I do…

Well, then someone has to sort it out then don’t they.

I’m very grateful.

So pardon me if the washing up isn’t done just when you walk through the door.

I’m just saying…

Pardon me!  But I have been busy you know.  I have been doing things for us, too, you know!

I’m tired.  Do you want a gin?

I’ve sent you a link to four cottages.  Four!  I’ve looked at hundreds and you only need to look at four.  So I need you to have a look and tell me which one you like best.

Ok.  I’ll look next time I’m on.

Make sure you do because we haven’t got long and they're going fast for those weeks.

I will. Gin?

Of course.  Did you get my text?

No.  I’ll make them then, shall I?

God – why don’t you ever check your phone?

I did check.  When did you send it? I checked before I left work.

About half an hour ago.

Well I would have been on the bus then.  I can never hear it on the bus.

I can hear mine on the bus all right.  You need a new phone!

What did it say?

What?

The text.  What did it say?

We’re out of tonic.  So if you want a gin you’ll have to stop at the co-op.

too poetry

some things are just too poetry

for poetry

a spinning wheel

a honey spoon

a waterfall

a silvery moon

a constellation of stars

the tail of a fiery comet

a rainbow

arcing across the sky

a baby’s bonnet

in fact

don’t write

anything to do with night

no owl or wolf

or bat or ghost

no candle – shining in the dark

http://imgbuddy.com/

weather is a problem too

with April showers

or blazing sun

a sudden fall of snow

frost or mist or fog

a cotton-candy cloud

is just too

LOUD

for a poem

other
poetic animals to avoid

are

horses

well stallions
cats
well toms
or tabbies

dogs

eagles
and their eyes

timorous mice
they've been done before
and better

snakes and lizards

spiders

starfish

whales

eels

weasels

the first cuckoo

longing is difficult

and love

and lust

and patience
and a first kiss
or a last kiss
or falseness

and pretence

a garden fence

mud

dust and rust

trust

especially if broken

derelict houses

with fractured window panes

in the rain

where no-one has lived for years
not really lived

old cars

worn carpets

rugs and wallhangings

pictures

in frames

and old photographs on pianos

slatted Venetian blinds

parlour palms

oh and
you
your arms

your eyes

your mouth

your nose

especially if you are a baby
and it is a button

your heart

my heart

your blood
my blood
and the things blood does

milk

tears

tea
sympathy

plums

cherries

overripe blackberries
dripping from vines
all just a bit too rich for me

and now I think about it 
there's not really much 
you can write about 
at all

stroke

Hello, Dad.  Hello!

It’s me, Diane.  Hello.

I’ll just take my coat off.  

Where shall I put it?

Can I put it on the chair?

Shall I put it on the chair here?

Look I’ll put it here on the chair.

It’s not in your way there, Dad, is it? 

It’s not in your way there. 

There, I’ve put it on the chair out your way.

How’re you going on, Dad? 

How’re you going on?

You’re looking a bit better.

I can’t stop long, Dad.

Are you feeling any better?

Mike’s waiting in the car for me

so I can’t stop long.

You’ve got a bit more colour in your cheeks.

Have you been eating?

Ooh, it’s warm in here, isn’t it, Dad.

Are you warm?

I’m boiling, me.  It’s ever so warm.  Roasting. 

What did you have for lunch?

You look as if you’ve put a bit of weight on.

I said to Mike maybe you’ll put a bit of weight on in here.

Have you put a bit of weight on?

Oh, tell you what – I’ve brought you something.

I’ve brought you a bag of Werthers.

They’re your favourites, aren’t they.

Werthers.

They’re just in my coat.

I’ll fetch ‘em for you.

They’re just in my coat pocket.

I was going to get you some Wholenut

but they didn’t have any.

Not in the VG.

They didn’t have any Wholenut – not the big bars.

You only like the big bars, don’t you, Dad.

They only had small bars in the VG.

So I bought you some Werthers.

And you won’t need your teeth in for Werthers, will you? 

You can just suck them, can’t you. 

You’d need your teeth for Wholenut, wouldn’t you. 

So it’s probably just as well.

So how’ve you been, Dad? 

How’ve you been going on? 

Have they been looking after you? 

Course they have, haven’t they. 

I bet they’ve been spoiling you, haven’t they.

Bet you’re one of their favourites, aren’t you. 

I bet you’ve been loving it in here, haven’t you, Dad? 

All the attention. 

I bet you’ve been loving it. 

Ooh, it is warm though, isn’t it. 

Aren’t you feeling warm, Dad? 

It is warm in here.

I’m baking.

They keep it like an oven, don’t they? 

I s’pose it’s for the old folks, isn’t it, Dad. 

They need it warm. 

Don’t want them to get chilled, do they.

Do you want a Werthers then, Dad?

Do you want one? 

I’ll unwrap you one, shall I?

You can just pop it in your mouth

Here, look, I’ll unwrap one for you.

You can just pop it in your mouth.

Here you go, look.

Open up then.

Open up?  No?  Not going to open up?  No?

Shall you have it later, then Dad? 

Do you want it later?

Shall I pop it on the side here, by your glasses?

I’ll just put it here on the table, by your glasses.

You can have it later – if you feel like it.

After your tea.

Oh – hello, Dad!

Are you looking at me?  Are you?

Can you see me?

It’s me, Diane?

Hello, Dad, I think you can see me, can’t you.

I know you can hear me, Dad.

Here look give me your hand, Dad.

There.

Here I am.  It’s me.  Diane.

What’s that?

What’re you saying?

Hang on – say it again.

I can’t quite… say it again Dad, if you can.

No?  Can’t you say it again?

No. Ok.  I love you, Dad.

I love you.  I’m sorry.

Listen Dad.  I’m going to have to go.

Mike’s waiting.  He’s in the car.

He’s waiting on a meter and if I’m too long he’ll have to put money in.

But I’ll come back tomorrow, Dad.

I’ll come again tomorrow – all right?

For a bit longer.

Maybe you’ll be feeling better tomorrow, eh.

Maybe you’ll have a bit more colour in your cheeks, eh.

I’ll see you tomorrow then, Dad.

Bye then, Dad.  I love you.

Bye, Dad.

Oulipo N+1 to 15

Police investigate after woman wakes up to find 107 gnomes in front garden

source https://gardengoatquote.wordpress.com/tag/garden-gnome/

Policeman investigate after womanizer walkabouts up to find 107 gnus in frontage gardener

Policewoman investigate after womb walkers up to find 107 goads in frontbencher gardenia

Policy investigate after wombat walkie-talkies up to find 107 goals in frontier gargle

Polish investigate after wonder walkings up to find 107 goalies in frontiersman gargoyle

Polisher investigate after wonderland walkouts up to find 107 goalkeepers in frontispiece garland

Politician investigate after wood walkovers up to find 107 goalposts in front-runner garment

Politico investigate after woodcutter walk-ups up to find 107 goats in frost garnet

Politics investigate after woodland walkways up to find 107 goatees in froth garnish

Polity investigate after woodlouse walls up to find 107 goatherds in frown garret

Polka investigate after woodpecker wallabies up to find 107 goatskins in fruit garrison

Poll investigate after woodpile wallets up to find 107 gobs in fruitcake garrotte

Pollutant investigate after woodshed wallflowers up to find 107 gobbets in frump garter

Pollution investigate after woodwind wallops up to find 107 gobbles in frustration gas

Poltergeist investigate after woodworm wallopings up to find 107 gobblers in fry gasbag

Poly investigate after wooer wallows up to find 107 go-betweens in fuchsia gash

Find out about Oulipo N+7

dead cat

this cat is dead

not quite

but almost

sitting hunkered

on the arm of the settee

beside me

tilting slowly into sleep

these griddled ribs

when stroked

play questions

and knife blade nubs

of vertebrae

grate

my puzzled fingers

how

has she grown

this old

this ill?

and when

did I realise

who had previously denied it

that I will miss her

and her tufting pelt

that floats

in strewn plumes

and seeks my mouth

nose

eyes?

for soon the slits

of her pupils

will cramp tight

and the soft wheezing

of her flanks

will flatten

in the afternoon

Chris on Souncloud

One Careful Höhner

For Sale

One Harmonica

in the key of

B Flat

While it remains in very good condition

this Harmonica

could probably use a little tlc

eg

a buffing with the soft yellow cloth

also included in the sale

for it has been neglected

in its case

far too long.

It has to be stated

that there are

one

or two

abrasions to the chrome

(as a result

one might imagine

of the instrument having been

dropped

and possibly trodden on.)

The teeth marks on

the upper and lower surfaces

do not effect the playing tone

although

the new owner may detect

a slight metallic

bitterness

on inhaling through

the instrument’s reedy carcass.

The current owner

no longer has a need for this

that was when purchased

a fine instrument

one that he had considered suitable

for the playing of

airs and graces

of romantic melodies

melancholy

and seductive lullabies.

He was however

mistaken

and that which he considered

beautiful

seems to have created

an opposite impression

on another

who has subsequently decided

that she prefers

the rather more

vulgar vibe

created by a banjo

And so

For Sale

One Harmonica

to anyone who can spare

thirty pieces

ono.

Also:

A vacancy has occurred

for a Harmonica player

with the small country folk trio

“Banjomonica.”

surprised by a mermaid

if you were to touch me now

without warning

and while I am unprepared

if you were to slip up beneath me

submerged

and make unexpected contact

I would shiver

and recoil

and shake your hand from my clammy shoulder

and offer some guttural rejection

caught in a throat full of sea

and

I would shudder under your grey fingers

I who did not see you approach

and am unused to the approach

of any other

and especially of a one such as you

at this time of day

alone

and naked

and unaware

caught in the anger of the sea

fretting in this mighty undertow

if you were to touch me now

without warning

while I am unprepared

but

if you were to touch me

now

having given me this moment‘s pause

and now knowing what I now know

of this dry earth and its dead dust

I would gracefully

sink into the ocean of your arms

float on the soft spume of your briny breath

swim into the abyss of your wide-eyed words

hide under the swell of your limpid breasts

moor myself to the holdfast strands

of your sargasso hair

Chris reading Surprised By A Mermaid

Surprised By A Mermaid now appears in The Wrting Garden - Issue 8

Windowsills

Picturesque Valley Road, Heeley

These are

things

people have
on windowsills

on Valley Road

and some on 
Brooklyn

a sleeping cat
in black and white

two small dogs,

barking at me

and then at each other

an empty vase

like a large

upended aubergine

a stained glass tablet
propped against the pane
featuring
a church
beneath

an abstract sunset

a blue acrylic dragon
breathing
red acrylic fire
from its nostrils

another cat

mackerel
also sleeping

an alabaster sculpture
four inches tall

that gives the impression

of a couple embracing
two round heads
and encircling arms

a scrap of paper with

a shopping list
written in a ragged hand
in blue pen
including bacon
bread
and butter

a sticker sign 
that has peeled from the glass
warning that

all 
our belongings

have been

postcode protected

a dead moth
lying on its back
with
its legs approaching
the air 
from beneath

a tray
of leggy seedlings
leaning towards
the sunlit street

Fudged

Squatting on the upturned box, Johnson dragged his holdall across the wooden floorboards towards him and pulled out a crumpled white paper bag.

“Here, squire, do you wanna bit of fudge?”

The other man did not appear to break his meditation.

            “Take your mind off, like…”

“Thanks, but no thanks.  I don’t actually want my mind ‘taken off’.”

“A bit of fudge won’t hurt, though.  I say, a bit of fudge won’t hurt.  Like a bit of fudge, me.  It’s the sugar.  Instant hit, it gives you.  Keeps you alert, like.  Right on the money.  Always have a bit of fudge on me, y’know, for that instant hit, if I’m feeling a bit dopey or whatever.  Go on, have a bit.”

The other man slowly opened his eyes.

“Really, no thanks.”

“It’s coffee flavoured – you like coffee. That’s a good pick me up, too, isn’t it? Coffee.  Sets you right on your feet.”

“Have you checked recently?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve checked, I’ve checked.  No need to worry about that.  They’re not due yet, anyhow.  I keep me eye out, y’know.  I’ve got eyes like a proverbial, I have.”

“Yes, but have you checked recently?”

“I.. I.. I’ll check now – set your mind at rest.  We don’t want to miss the moment as it were, do we, the crucial moment.  That would be a shame now, wouldn’t it?”

“Yes.  So check.”

“All right, all right, don’t get ‘em twisted!  Look I’m checking, I’m checking..”

Johnson went over to the window and edged back one side of the grey blanket that he had hung across it some hours previously.  He peered down into the street below.

“Nah!  There’s no sign.  No sign of nothin’.  No sign of nobody.  Yeah, Ali, wouldn’t be best pleased if we missed the moment, would he?  Hahaha!”

“Just keep your eyes on that corner.”

“Will do, squire, will do.  I’m a tea man m’self.  Always have been.  You don’t drink tea, do you?  Don’t think I’ve ever seen you drink a cuppa tea.  Not into tea, are you?”

“No, not particularly.”

“Coffee, that’s you, isn’t it.  Black coffee, isn’t it.  My old mum used to say, you can’t trust a coffee drinker.  Tea’s an honest drink, she’d say.  Always liked her tea, my mum.  Don’t think she’d have liked you much, tbh.  Ha!  Mind you she’d ha’ been right, wouldn’t she, eh?  Not trusting you, eh?  She’d ha’ been right on the money with that one, eh?  Hahaha!  Cuh!  Don’t know what she’d have made of this mullarkey, I really don’t.  This is a fine fandango!”

“Johnson! Will you just quit your yap and concentrate on the situation.”

“’Course, squire, ‘course I will.  You won’t hear another word.  Not another word.”

“Thank you!”

Johnson fell silent.

He peered again around the edge of the scruffy drape.

            “Sorry, squire, I always talk a lot if I’m a bit on edge. D’y’know what I mean?  Always getting in trouble for it at school.  Keep your trap shut, Johnson!  That’s what I got all the time.  Shut it!  Couldn’t help meself, though, even when I knew I was winding ‘em up.  The teachers, like.  Couldn’t help meself.  Ohh, hangabout.  Something’s happening, something’s afoot, as they say!  Better get over here – owh...”

His companion was already pushing him aside, taking control of the window and assessing the situation below them.  The bolt action rifle had been in position, sights checked, within fifteen minutes of their arrival, but as Johnson moved to get out of the way he tripped over his holdall and as he did so launched the small bag of fudge across the room.  Johnson snatched at the air to try to grab it but managed simply to bat it with greater force towards the gun.  He fell against the other man with a considerable force, and was instantly deafened by a loud bang and the sound of shattering glass

He managed to regain control of his body as he heard a cracking thud from the street below - something heavy landing on the roof of a car - and then the sound of the wind flapping the blanket at the now empty casement.