I am now on my way to meet you

I was recently struck by a news report describing a South Korean television show - part talent show, part dating show - where female defectors from North Korea presented themselves before South Korean audiences to tell their stories as a form of healing for themselves and education for the South.  The show in Korean was called Now On My Way To Meet You.  

I am now on my way to meet you.

I have traversed difficult terrain

and undergone hardship and torment but

I am now on my way to meet you.

I am now on my way to meet you

and I would be grateful if you could prepare for me

a warm meal,

and a bed of some sort

even if merely a mattress on the ground.

A blanket would be a comfort

but I am not used to comforts

and so it is not an essential thing.

I am now on my way to meet you

and I would be grateful

if you would not ask me too many questions.

There will be some, I understand,

that you need to ask,

but please not too many.

Please do not ask me about my child.

Life has been harder than I have ever known, and

harder than you can possibly imagine

in the past months since I left my home to come here.

I have done things that I would not normally do

things that I consider immoral,

dangerous things,

harming

to my psychological wellbeing

and my physical wellbeing.

I have had to do them

in order to survive

and now I am glad that they are behind me but also

I am glad that I have done them

as

I am now on my way to meet you

and, knowing that,

I recognise that those unnameable, unspeakable things

have brought benefit to me

and that in meeting you, a stranger,

I will be recommencing my life

with a clean past

and an uncomplicated future.
For though I continue to carry my pain
like a yoke around my shoulders
your pretending not to see it
will help me to bear it.

So please

do not ask me too many questions and

before meeting you I will wash my face and hands
and apply lipstick in what is to me 
an unfamiliar colour.

Please do not ask me about my child –

and I will not ask you about my child

though I may ask myself.

Perhaps one day 
there may be
happier things to say about her.

I am now on my way to meet you

so let us make rules as to how we should
behave toward each other.

I have high hopes

and yet still low expectations

of you.

You don’t know me

nor I you

and so

I ask only that you allow me to live here

close to you

but not dependent upon you.

And as a token of my gratitude I will

serve you when I can

and in any way that I can

that does not

bring shame to my person.

I am now on my way to meet you

and, in meeting you,

I am now

on my way.